At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
