If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
