I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
