Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
