It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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