why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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