i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
