i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
