I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
