Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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