I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
