in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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