Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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