a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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