apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
