There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
don't judge my taste in strippers
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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