Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
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Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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