will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Sober January is a disaster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There are leaves in my underwear?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
