I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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