if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
