Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
