This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize