these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
