You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
