I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
a search helicopter?!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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