I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
