you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
