im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
