I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize