He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
