I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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