Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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