he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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