so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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