Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
