i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize