Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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