took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
