I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
you win again, gameday.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
