I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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