This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
