Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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