I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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