Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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