you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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