im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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