Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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