so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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