I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
