My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Mom said you looked used
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
