I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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