I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This is the high leading the old right now
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
