I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
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