"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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