I love black thongs
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
