i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Come on in and take your pants off
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