Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
God I need to hump something, right now.
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