My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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