I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
