I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
