Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
