The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
