My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
