MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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