he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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