my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if you like me you must not know who I am
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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