I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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