come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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