Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
