Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
