Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
