i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
