Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
