I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
