go do what you do best...puke behind churches
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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