Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
