Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
