Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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