Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
