you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
